“I was cast upon You from birth. From My mother’s womb You have been My God.”
I’ll never forget those words the nurse spoke to me at 32 weeks pregnant with my first child. She looked at the ultrasound screen and remarked that one of my son’s kidneys was larger than the other, and the doctor would be in shortly to talk with me about it. Then she said the words that I have remembered ever since. She was just trying to make me feel better, to say something nice to balance out the concern that something might be wrong. She will probably never know how perfectly these few words describe my little boy, since the day I met him and each day since. She smiled, and added before leaving the room to get the doctor, “but he has a beautiful heart.”
After my son was born we started regular checkups to monitor his kidney. It meant waiting in doctor’s offices and hospitals, taking daily antibiotics to prevent infection, ultrasounds on his little body, being strapped down for scans, and pokes and prods that made my heart ache. But he went through all of it like a champ.
Finally, we decided with the advice of the specialists to go ahead with surgery. The doctor would simply take off the non-functioning area of his kidney, and leave the part that was working. If successful, our son would have two healthy kidneys and we wouldn’t have to worry about the issue anymore.
It is such a helpless feeling to watch your baby being carted off to the operating room. All I could do at that moment was plead with God to keep him safe. I could only try to rest in the assurance of God’s goodness, and know that He loved my little boy even more than I did. After all, He made him, enlarged kidney and all. He already knew everything about his tiny body and He knew the outcome of this procedure.
“For you created my inmost being; You knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”
We waited for his surgery to be finished; three hours felt like an eternity. But finally, he was in recovery. All had gone well.
I spent that night in a hospital room chair holding my sweet boy who was attached to tubes and IV’s. In his discomfort, all he could say was, “Mommy,” over and over. He couldn’t sleep unless I was holding him in my arms. So, I held him tightly against my own heart, while his little brother rested next to him in my belly, just three weeks away from being born.
Once we got home recovery was fairly easy. Our little guy was back to his normal happy self by the next day. The following year brought a few more ultrasounds until the doctor finally spoke the wonderful words, “Everything looks good. You don’t have to come see me anymore. Have a nice life kiddo!”
And just like that it was all over. No more doctors appointments, no more scans, no more medicine, no more surgery. It was all a memory. We were so thankful.
“But I trust in Your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in Your salvation. I will sing the Lord’s praise, for He has been good to me.”
The funny things is, I rarely think about any of that anymore. I hardly remember all of those details except every once in a while when I notice the scars on my son’s belly. But I think often, almost daily, of the words that were spoken by that nurse before he was even born… “but he has a beautiful heart.”
I am not really talking about the physical heart that beats inside his chest, the one the she was referring to. For me, it is the heart of the sweet and loving spirit that God has placed inside of my little boy.
I see his beautiful heart every day.
I see it when he is kind and unselfish with his little brother. I watch how he willingly shares his favorite toys with him and lets him go first even when he doesn’t have to.
I see his heart when he makes a mistake, and he comes to me and says, “I’m sorry, mommy, will you please forgive me?”
It is there when he says, “Thank you, mommy” for making him meals, or for taking him to the park to play.
I am reminded of his beautiful heart when he tells me, “I love you so much, mommy,” or writes “I love you” notes to me, his dad, and his brother.
I watch the way he plays with his friends and loves others, how he is kind and patient with everyone.
The beauty comes through in his hugs and in his smiles, in his laughter and singing. He is so thankful and joyful for all of life’s blessings. Whether it is sunny or rainy outside, he tells me that every day is a beautiful gift from God.
It shows in the way he gently cares for all of God’s creatures, from our pet dog, to a little lizard, or even a bug.
His heart spills out when he talks about wanting to be a firefighter, to bravely rescue others from harm and save the day.
His beautiful heart shines when he talks about God, tells me Bible stories and verses he has learned, and most of all when he says he believes and trusts in Jesus.
This boy, who is just about to turn six years old, overflows with love and kindness. Knowing him has made me a better person. Having him in my life is a constant reminder of God’s goodness and love.
My baby was due on November 1, but he was born on Halloween night. It was the one day I didn’t really want to be his birthday because of the evil and darkness that are associated with it. But God brought me comfort through this verse:
“Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven.”
My son, my first born, my Halloween baby, has a heart that shines bright. I believe he will be a light in the darkness to spread God’s love to others. I am so thankful for the words the nurse spoke to me that day over six years ago. This little boy has so much love in him, so much light. May God continue to bless him and use him…my boy with the beautiful heart.